The first message usually determines whether a conversation opens or disappears.
The mistake most people make is going too broad (“Hey”) or too intense (“Let’s talk about your goals for the next decade”).
A great first message is specific, low-pressure, warm, curious, short and easy to answer
The key therein is giving someone a clear path to respond.
The Three Rules of Perfect First Messages
Rule 1: Start with something they already gave you
This shows attention and emotional intelligence.
Rule 2: Ask a small, specific question
Not “What do you do?” — too heavy.
Ask something answerable in one sentence.
Rule 3: Keep your tone warm, not performative
You are starting a conversation, not writing a monologue.
Best First Messages (Copy-Ready)
If they mention travel:
“That photo in Lisbon — accidental discovery or planned masterpiece?”
If they mention books:
“You read Murakami? Which book made you rethink the world the most?”
If they have a pet:
“Your dog looks like he negotiates treats. Accurate?”
If their prompt is funny:
“I appreciate your humor. Do you use it responsibly, or selectively?”
If they show food:
“Is that the dish you travel for or the dish you forgive yourself for?”
If they love fitness:
“Morning workouts or evening discipline? I need to know who I’m dealing with.”
The Follow-Up Method
Once they reply, use this structure:
1. Reflect: Show you understood their answer.
2. Reveal: Add a small detail about yourself.
3. Redirect: Ask a new, specific question.
This keeps momentum without pressure.